I've been thinking a lot about c/Commitment lately. What it means to be really devoted, what it means to have rules, a code, something by which you measure all things and everyone in your life. I've been thinking even more about how I've never had that, even for myself. I've only stuck with a handful of things throughout my life. However, I feel something brewing within me, some sort of completely holistic, entire soulself makeover. It's been happening for a while. Maybe my meds, therapy, and self-care are all finally working in tandem? Maybe I've finally let go of the body image issues I've been carrying around for years? Maybe I've finally let go of the idea that my abusive marriage and previous long-term romantic relationships were abusive in some (others more) ways? Maybe I've finally realized that despite the efforts of so many so-called "friends" and lovers, I'm not completely worthless? Maybe when I finally sit down to write, after six weeks of totally all-encompassing anxiety about the blank page, I realize that maybe I *do* have things to say, and that my writing and self-expression, and self-created container with which to work things out, isn't completely an indulgent thing.
So, hi. Here's to little steps into getting back into my writing practice.