This blog is an attempt to self-heal through storytelling, memoir, recording self-care, and connect with others who are facing the darkest times because of anxiety and depression. the more we share our stories, the more connected we are. this is my attempt at radical vulnerability.

Dumb Disco Ideas.

This is a list of things I will not miss when I move.

I will not miss being greeted at the door with three different voices all simultaneously asking for the same thing -- my mother grumbling about how my 35 year old woman's room is not clean, my sister, about how she really will need her car this weekend even though I've already reminded her that I won't need it because Uber exists, and the howl of my dog reminding me that I've not been home for hours, and who the fuck am I to leave him for so long.

I will not miss having to hide empty wine bottles so that I don't have that talk again with my mother, about how no, I'm not an alcoholic, and no, I don't think it's that bad a thing for a grown woman to have four whole glasses of wine in a six hour period.

I will not miss being the tech-support who is on call 24/7, who needs to explain to my family what it's like to have access to your Google Drive all over the world, and why on earth would I need to access my documents anywhere in the world when I have a flash drive instead? I will also not miss the blank stare I get when asked why I don't need to purchase Office 2016.

I will not miss having to take a big breath of air every time I have a conversation with my mom about money, waiting for her to tell me how again, I'm fucking up.

I will not miss not being able to voice my opinions about the Catholic Church, immigration, "independent voters", or explain to her, why "Queer" is a term that can yes, actually be applied to her daughter.

I will not miss hearing the same arguments between my mom and Dorian over and over and over again, grinding away like an old broken victrola still trying to find its sound.

I will not miss having to pick up dog poop every day.

I will not miss feeling so often quashed in a space that is supposed to be full of light and love.

But I will miss the absolute ferocity that is my mother's love and commitment to my well-being, even though it's probably the one thing driving me out here the most intensely.

Mother Stands For Comfort.

The Noisy Eater.